Maybe this day is the day for saying things most people won't & don't. Instead the majority posts pictures on various social media sites of their fabulous lives in the only corner of their dream home that is actually clutter free & clean. This gives the appearance of perfection. But maybe, just maybe nobody's lives are picture perfect. As humans we all cycle through emotions, battle situations, & struggle through fears. We all have questions & decisions that we don't have the answer to. That's ok. That's actually normal.
Let's face it, no one's home is spotless 24/7 unless they have an extremely dull & horrible life. I'm positive that if we had a live in maid, we'd still manage to shake foundations & pile up junk. As I've said before, I have a sad case of OCD, but 7 real people live in our home (5 of which are tiny humans that rather NOT clean if ever given an option not to mention my dear husband). Therefore, I have to let some things go. No, I don't post the huge mess they made eating, leaving crumbs all over the carpet or pictures of the wrecked bathrooms when they "forget" for the millionth time to pick up their clothes after bath time. Then later I find them wet from them stomping over the pile while drying off. I surely don't snap a reminder for later years that someone recently broke a toilet seat in the house, & we keep forgetting to replace it. But maybe I should...
I've also admitted time & again that our vehicle is merely transportation. It's not our pride & joy, not our castle to keep spotless. Just the other day I had 3 drinking chocolate milk, & guess what? Only 1 was spilled this time! Yay us! Still, I wouldn't post that. But maybe I should...
Many times what I share revolve around our kids. I'm not into sharing every sickness with the world. I cringe as I read about others with vomiting &/or diarrhea. I wonder what people are thinking that post that stuff. Anyways, I'm more into making picture collages of our trips. However, I conveniently leave out the part where someone pooped their pants which stopped the fun dead in its tracks until we could go buy the ugliest attire EVER sold at the nearest Dollar General to make do. But maybe I should...
I'm big on appearance. I'm not really sure why. I guess it's natural. Don't misunderstand that. I'm not big into spending thousands on certain brands. I'm more into being neat & clean, ironed & hair combed when in public. Therefore, I don't take or share the pictures where we didn't exactly get ready today, but maybe I should...
We have a new pool this summer. I take pictures way too much. You know, the ones where they are in their cute little swim attire at the beginning of the season. I don't ever think to snap those where they ran out in whatever they had on, shucked part of that off, & dove in. Ok, so maybe I shouldn't post naked pictures of kids because of all the creeps in the world, but maybe I could share an image of clothes all wet & nasty by the pool that get left overnight...or a few days...
Guess what? Today I woke up in a bad mood. Yep, me! Somedays are just that way. This is life. Hormones are real. Everyone doesn't always get along. Peer pressure doesn't end with high school. Can I get an amen? I have kids that ask for cell phones before the age 10 as well as $500 hover boards that I am NOT about to deliver on. Bills are a reality & even worse are how fast they can pile up. Money is easier spent that earned. Having a compassionate, giving heart can cripple you down to your core. Maybe someone, somewhere needs to post about those things. Those are the real deal. Everyone was needing me in every different direction before I even got myself together this morning. Finally, in my desperate attempt at self preservation, I gave into my fight or flight responses by covering my ears & closing my eyes. I wasn't even dressed yet. They all got the message & backed up right out of the room. Now that would've made a picture worth going viral. I didn't even yell & yet scared my own crew. I surely could use that in my reminder of memories. That could work again!
I have accepted some things in this life~the fact that bad things happen to good people, some people & things we cannot change or reason with, injustice is often served on silver platters & forced down our throats, jobs end, defenseless ones get mistreated, diseases exist, debt grows more often than eliminates, ignorance abounds, suicide happens, laws we may not like dictate our lives, & I could go on & on & on. Those things we deem as unshareable or unworthy. The fact that they even exist is unthinkable. Maybe if we don't highlight those bad moments, we can pretend like they don't matter. Maybe that's the logic...
But sometimes just maybe we lose a battle to win a war. I loose the battle of pride today. Today I will be honest & speak out. My heart hurts. Life isn't fair. I choose comfy pjs, warm covers, & pillows to handle today. My favorite blanket is worn out & sporting a hole. It also needs a bath. Ironically, it is an old gift from someone that doesn't even like me anymore. Surely I shouldn't share such as that. Surely that is TMI for hundreds to read. I meditate. I pray. I read. I type it out into words that will never be read. I even eat, lots. I did get some clothes on for a second to dash to the Piggly Wiggly for an imperfect attempt to handle stress with snacks. I choose to believe that failure & tears today is not failure forever. Today will not define my every single day. It is packed with fleeting emotion. It will tarry for a season, & it will soon disappear into history. I've "shared" my 35th birthday weekend with the violence & tragedy of Charlottesville, Virginia. That surely wasn't my choice. It just happened that way. I cannot put all of those feelings into words right now. Maybe that was the beginning of this sad day in the making. I grieve not only for the hatred in our world but also the hatred that continues to endure in America. After all of this full day has been spent, I still have no answers. I don't know what to do except allow myself space to grieve for now with a plan in mind to lace up my boot straps & hold my head high for tomorrow. Today I grieve & fight in solace, warring with God over the hard questions. Tomorrow I continue the search to find my place to stand & fight in this world.
I may never make much of a mark in the eyes of this world. I refuse to let that cripple me from what I can do. I can make a difference to at least one person in one family, & those acts will change their ENTIRE world. In that way we are all equipped to change someone's future. I refuse to teach hate to these 5 little beings that God has entrusted us with. I pray that they never waiver from showing love. Just yesterday as we were all riding together to accomplish errands I asked them what we should look for in a new church to attend. We've enjoyed visiting around lately. I was surprised with their profound yet simple answers. Clay chimed in 1st with kindness & sharing & caring. This mama's heart smiled. Those are happy moments to grasp a hold of. That is share worthy. Ugly happens, but LOVE wins...someway, somehow!
Learn LOVE! Show LOVE! Teach LOVE!
BORN to LOVE!
