Saturday, January 24, 2015

Know What You Want & Say It Out Loud

     Let me get this straight, 1st I learn to shut up & now I learn to speak my mind directly...this should be interesting!  Reading Chapter 5 of The Surrendered Wife confirms the common thinking that it's not always about what you say but the big kicker is how you say it!  As women we need to give up the idea that asking for what we want is selfish.  It's not.  We are humans with dreams too.  To our advantage, a husband with a respectable wife will work double duty to see that those dreams are fulfilled to the best of his ability.  That's just in his nature, to be our hero or knight in shining armor.  Finally, just when I was getting all geared for a pity party about how this surrendering & being respectful was not only more difficult than I imagined but also that he doesn't even notice, now this is finally starting to sound rewarding!
     First, I get to decide what I want.  Wow!  Me?  In this chaotic family of 7, I get to dream big?  So much of our dreams have come true this past year.  Nathan was able to sell his part of the family farm, purchase our dream property, build his dream shop, & move our home.  Only God, but each of these didn't just happen.  It all began with dreams over 10 years ago.  Now is a perfect opportunity for new dreams!  What do I want?  I know one to start on!  It would be great to finally move our back deck here!  I would love to string those big ball Christmas strand lights over it & add a rustic table with mismatched chairs.  I can picture Nathan grilling while I prepare the sides & the kiddos playing happily outside.  What wonderful memories we could share there, especially in the coming spring & summer when the days are longer & his Taxidermy work isn't nearly as busy!  I can just picture all of the beautiful plants we could pot & art work we could create right there too.
     Armed with my dream, what will be the best way to convey this?  The book suggests going about this very plain & simple, stating what you want without telling your dear husband when, why, or how to do it.  In other words, DON'T try to control this situation either.  Just ask.  Begin with, "I want..."  Be loving & direct.  The book sites the example of ordering in a restaurant.  No one would answer the waiter/waitress with, "What do you think I want?" nor ever expect him/her to just figure that out on their own.  After placing our order, we also wouldn't rudely tell them where to buy the food, what to pay for it, how to prepare it, follow them to the kitchen to make sure our every demand was met, nor make them clean it up exactly as we desire.  No, we would simply order & trust them & the cooks to do their jobs in making us happy.  Being that controlling would be completely ludicrous.  That same principle of having ridiculous amounts of control & expectations apply in our marriage also.  Just state what you want & HOPE for the best.  Hopefully things may begin to happen immediately.  There's a good possibility of change taking time to accomplish.  Financially things may have to take shape over a period of time or may not be possible at all.  Things in life can change so fast!  Be grateful for your blessings today, but don't quit dreaming!
Stay tuned but with caution because this could take years!  In the meantime, I'll suggest something smaller such as a date night & let you know how that goes.  I have before grown weary planning the date, arranging for the sitter, considering our cash flow, & wishing he would take the initiative to plan them.  Maybe I'll start with saying, "I want a regular date night."  After all, how more loving & direct could I get than that?  I think I'll speak up tonight, so pray saints pray!  & promise not to laugh if I end up on trekking through the woods shooting squirrels on our "date" or worse!  ;)                

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