God, grant me the wisdom to accept the things I cannot change (like my husband),
The courage to change the things I can (like me),
& the wisdom to know the difference (between us)!
Several of the books I have on marriage suggest the #1 issue for men is lack of respect & that most of the time wives don't even realize they act disrespectfully because they do this out of fear. Fear can control us humans. Fear is real. This type of fear is fear of the unknown. Fear of letting go of control because if we don't boast our opinion our kids will suffer, our finances will suffer, he will not be his best, he will make us look bad as his responsible wife, etc. I've seen all of those happen in our marriage...me stepping in & speaking up because I wanted to "help" guide him as if he were not adult. This is controlling & demeaning. It speaks volumes to men that they are being disrespected. Am I suggesting just being walked all over? No. Am I suggesting to never give an opinion? No. I am, however, suggesting letting go of so much of the small stuff. I am suggesting to pray more about these & speak less. God can do far more than you or I can! I am guessing that on going, unresolved issues would have to find a time & place to respectfully be resolved after much time of thought & prayer.
"Whatever you think" has become new words for me prescribed through my new "surrendering" book. So far, he hasn't even seemed to notice. That really makes me want to point it out. I think I'm doing so good that it's worth celebrating. For example, last night we had to drive almost 2 hours to a funeral home for visitation. Afterwards, he asked where we would like to go eat. We only had our 2 oldest with us. He immediately suggested Logan's Roadhouse. I figure he was wanting to treat us since it was just us 4, but I know we didn't really need to spend $100 on supper. Instead of bringing that up, I went with my recited answer, "Whatever you think." He pulled into Logan's. He ordered an appetizer and encouraged everyone to get whatever they'd like. We did & spent $102. I would love for fireworks to have went off for all the world to celebrate that he made this decision without my input, but no one ever noticed. Sadly, I didn't reap any earthly rewards. I only know we are over $100 poorer but praying that his respect remained intact rather it went unnoticed by my dear husband or not.
To sum it up, yesterday went well. No catastrophes to report. I've kept my mouth shut a lot more with should be earth shattering within itself. ;) No, I wasn't a horrible wife before, but most every time he says something loud & bossy to the kids, I do find myself wanting to correct his "Padgett" behavior with my own "Walker" opinion. He is their parent too though, & no one stands around to correct me each time I handle something less than perfect. Maybe my new softness will rub off on him eventually...we shall see!
Your doing good, No matter how much it cost. A man likes to make the decision for his family. Asking you what you think shows he cares about what you want also. It takes time before men notice. So sad that men aren't respected anymore. I believe that is why marriages fail.
ReplyDeleteMen want respect. Women want love. If women would learn to talk to the husband with intelligent and leave the emotional (crying, screaming, pouting) out of it. Then the husband would be all ears...and then He would show her the love she desires. Wives submit (talk intelligently) to your husbands. Husband love your wife. This is what Paul was trying to tell us. Keep going it is so worth it.
I remember reading that book the surrendered wife. I will have to find it again and reread it. I can't remember why I didn't keep it.
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